So it’s been awhile…. again, but well you know…. life.

Still the past few weeks have been giving me stuff to think about more than usual, and as I refuse to delve into religion or politics what’s been vomiting on our screens has been pretty much nothing but those last two useless tits on a bull.

So if any of you actually come here to read my drivel, you will know we had to deal with losing a house and trying to figure out where to live etc etc… fast forward to today.

We now have an eviction pending against us… we couldn’t pay the rent, shit happens, but I did manage to get a job finally, albeit just part time as that now seems to be the new normal… go figure, god bless America and blah blah blah…

Still… a job is a job, sadly I travel for more hours to and from said job than I actually work at said job but after 3 months it provides us with an apartment with a slight discount so yay us.

Cue bad shit: Turns out my immigration status has come into conflict for some reason so now I have to travel around even more trying to prove that I am actually allowed (after 18 bloody years) to live and work in America otherwise? “sorry man but we have ta let ya go”

Go where? under a bloody bridge? theres a nice big field off to the side of the property maybe we could pitch a tent and moon them every morning… too cold though… we are bracing ourselves as winter is coming… Stark… not too bright in the manipulations game, but spot on the money in regards to how shitty winter is.

As like last time it put my mind into perspective as it always does on how easy it is to become homeless within a month, and how greedy landlords are when it comes to working with tenants when they state “I have people that will pay more than you, get out!”

Then I got up this morning to do my new routine of bus/train/train/bus/bus for almost 3 hours one way when I saw a new post on my news feed about the Amtrak 501 derailing.

For awhile I traveled up and down Washington/Oregon on the 501 for 2-3 days a week for well over 8 months I think, I read the article, saw the pictures, and thought about the people that not only were riding it, but worked on it.

While I never became close friends with any of the conductors (cos you know, antisocial) I still chatted with them, asked about the other half, or the veggie patch after seeing them for those 2 days of traveling up and the down the upper West Coast, and have to wonder if any of them were on that train.

Currently as I write this 6 people are confirmed dead, with several carriages to unstable to search for survivors or bodies.

While I never took the early morning train from Seattle the conductors do shifts and are constantly back and forth, and there have been times on my rail travels where I had to wonder if I was going to make it home… and now there are people who will never make it home… did I chat with those people that died over cheap rail coffee, and breakfast bagels that induced severe heartburn?

My constantly negative mind formulates many ways that I might most probably possibly without a doubt die on my way to or from work daily… you get use to the dark negatives your mind vomits in your lap while on the bus or train… but there are people now dead that I might have shared a coffee and a laugh with… it makes me feel foolish in my own thoughts regardless, to possibilities of not coming home… I did, and I’m writing a pointless blog about it because… I did return home.

Still… it’s that never ending churning in the back of your mind that keeps those fires fueled…

What if today is the day?

So when you finally get home, and the better half is mad, or the kids are pissing you off because they are breathing… stop for a moment.

Think, and be grateful you made it home alive regardless of evictions or travel times, or shitty coffee…

Your’e alive… as I always say when people ask how I am… “I’m alive so that’s half the battle won…