Been a while…seems to be my tagline, might have that on my grave stone “Here lies Christopher Duncan…been a while”So life has been crazy, hence my not posting as often as I would like, but now I find myself going into that great unknown,My full time job is at an end come May 1st, and I am jumping into the deepest end of the pool, self employment…
My writing, my web sites, I’ll be doing work with my girlfriend on her sites as well (She designs web sites)
We are creating a Publishing Company, so yeah…going the whole hog as it were….
Insert “Transition” I’ve been working since I was 14 years old, my father was an old school kinda guy, beat your kids, fear was discipline, and we were seen not heard, so transitioning from full time work to working for myself….I’m a little scared shitless to be perfectly honest,
Work ethic….I’ve always understood it, but only when it applied to an Employer, so soon I’ll be a free agent…no one to guide me by the hand, while slapping me upside the head with a rolled up newspaper, my fears are on many levels really, laziness, that inner demon that what you write is actually total crap, and everyone is just too polite to tell you, scheduling your days…weeks…months, you name it, it all floods through my brain like a freight train…
Will it succeed or crash…. will this be my biggest regret or greatest triumph, will I be able to cast off the robes of the rat race, and finally become myself? my own being, doing my own God damn thing!! working hour after hour for my own work, my own success, not some 20 something corporate dick with a bachelors in geology telling me I need to fill out 10 spread sheets to explain what they have sitting in their friggin corporate computers, but they feel the need to prove they are worth the money (Much more money than I’m on I’m pretty sure)
So here I sit, looking over the abyss, it’s dark…..I hear screams, and gnashing of teeth, there are old wrecks dashed upon the craggy shore line, the sky a fiery red that makes everything look like blood (don’t you love that moment as the sun sets, and everything looks a different color? yellows slowly mixing with reds, as the night begins to creep in just off to the side)
It’s scary… but fuck it, if not now then when? I’m 42, and I’ve been putting this moment off for god knows how many years, all the while trudging back and forth on buses, and trains hating every fucking minute of my existence….
Life is for living, people seem to have this weird belief that once you retire…then you can go off and do your thing…utter crap… the entire concept of working yourself to an early grave for someone else is total utter bullshit…
Life is for living…if you have the chance….seize it…
I am, come what fucking may, if you don’t… then you’ll end up sitting in that old fart home being abused by angry people who are trudging daily to work in a place they hate while wiping your arse, as you wonder….. “What if I did?”